How To Deal With a 180 Degree Life F*ck

All of your life, you’ve had a plan. You planned your life all out in your journal. 

Maybe you weren’t one of those girls who planned out a wedding date before you even had a boyfriend, but you had an idea of when you’d get married, what your career would have, where you would live, how you’d feel by this age. You probably fantasized about your life in your head and played it like a movie. Then it seems like in a matter of months, the universe pulled the rug from underneath your feet, leaving you stumbling and dizzy, trying to grasp where you stepped wrong.
That’s how 2016 was for me. I went into the year in an almost 4 year relationship, living with the man that I thought I’d grow old with. I had a nice apartment, a laid back job, and plans on going into medical school. I wasn’t at all where I wanted to be; however, everything seemed to be on the right trajectory to make the life that I planned in my journal happen. 
Then one day, everything changed.

I left my boyfriend, who was and still is an amazing guy, and I quit my job which forced me to end my lease at my apartment and move in with a roommate.  I got an “important” job that’s in my field that I’m not excited about and now I’m trying to figure out if I even want to attend medical school since I never allowed myself to consider any other careers. I found myself depressed with either numbed emotions or on the verge of tears throughout the week.

To be completely honest, I was scared about the plan for my life. As happy as I usually am, I didn’t feel good.

I became pessimistic. I thought relationships were for the birds and adopted a f*ck love mentality. I avoided new social interactions because I dreaded people asking what I had been up to and how life was going. Nobody wanted the truth. I could no longer visualize a linear plan for my life. I’ve always been someone’s role model, but now I was so lost that I didn’t want anyone following me. 

I know that I’m not alone in this fight, so how do we deal?

First, realize that the universe is trying to tell you something. For your life to do a complete overhaul, something drastic needed to change. Try to figure out what lesson the universe is trying to teach you. Did you get too comfortable in your situation? Are you living a life that isn’t fulfilling your purpose? When you were planning out your life previously, were you planning out a life in which you had to schedule in the things that you really wanted in life? Maybe the lesson isn’t about you at all. Were you standing in the way of someone else’s progress? Either way, you deal with this 180 degree life f*ck by figuring out what needed to change.

I wish that I could end this telling you a step by step guide of how to get past this period, but hopefully you’ve already learned that there is no manual to life. We plan all that we want, but the best things in life are the unexpected things that we can’t even fathom beforehand. 
I've been letting life run its course because I've exhausted every other option. I used to be the person that would plan out random details of their life on sticky notes and in journals, so going with the flow when it comes to my life is a totally new concept. Going with the flow has definitely had some downs and has led me down the road with a f*ckboy or two, but overall it has shifted my paradigm on life. I am more open to spontaneity and I no longer see life as this rose gold colored concept.  

When your life takes a complete 180, accept it for what it is, see it as a challenge and work towards getting your life back in an order that fulfills your purpose. 

Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to observe your loneliness at night. Allow yourself to ask the universe, "are you kidding me? What the f*ck is going on!" Our society tries to tell us to get passed our sadness, but before we can do that, we have to acknowledge our feelings. Life isn't always a Bruno Mars music video and you will have down days and weeks where you feel unmotivated and will have to push through the numbness.

I really wish that I was better with pep talks so that I could tell you that everything would be okay. I honestly feel like I'm not in the right space to even advise you because I'm currently in the middle of my 180 degree life f*ck up, but hopefully there truly is comfort in numbers.

Just know that you are not alone.

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Quirky, Brown Love is a media outlet for quirky, brown millennials. EST 2014.

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