Single, Black, and Ready for Love: What to Do When Life Isn’t Ready

Single Mom Coach, Kaywanda Lamb
by Kaywanda Lamb
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“You’re pretty. Why are you still single?” says every eligible guy I meet, my family, AND random people on the Internet. (side eye)

 I get tired of the question actually, and, if you’re like me, so do you. Alas, what is a fine, brilliant, quirky, beautiful with so much to offer sister to do? Nothing. Let them wonder.

This post is for those who are ready for love and need a little encouragement along the way because love is not yet ready for you. Read on.

What’s Missing in Your Life?

To understand your singleness, you must first understand who you are. You do know who you are right? Ok. Just checking. See, my theory is there is nothing wrong with you or me. We aren’t missing anything not even a man honey. Now, hear me out. Life is about living. You aren’t born and then you marry. You are a baby first, then a little girl then a young girl, a teen, and so on. There are levels to this ish! Yes, I just wanted to say that. But, you were amazing in all those stages and you are amazing now. You had to grow.

So, why does not having a mate…yet, cause so much pain (self-inflicted and mama-inflicted), questioning, and dissatisfaction? I’ll tell you why. You don’t know that you aren’t missing a single thing for this moment in your life. When you bypass the awesomeness that is you because you’re looking to be the same as your sister, cousin, neighbor, mom, etc., “i.e., married or booed up” you are missing out on what you are supposed to be doing in your singleness RIGHT NOW. Sis, you have goals and dreams. Chase them! Let Boaz find you complete not completely exhausted from saying “Where is he already? My eggs are drying up. My mama wants grandbabies while she can still hold them.” I’m being facetious. But really, CHILL OUT.

The Backdrop

So, I’m black, single, and a mom. Talk about triple curse! Or, is it? I call it a blessing and in my story may you find a way to see that you, too, can be happy as a single black woman.

Picture this: Young, pretty, an angel, and a virgin. You’re sent to college to get an education and you have ZERO dating experience. You almost graduate with your womanhood in tact but you meet fine (back then) athlete. He rocks your world (unplanned of course), gives you two babies (how did that happen), and does not stick around long enough for the reality of parenting to sink in. Hmm. How do you survive and then thrive after that? Well, the short story is that dude, those experiences, do not make you. You make you. You make your life, and you can overcome what life, mama n'nem, and you are trying to feed you as what one must do to have fully arrived.

Let me tell you. If you know like I know, you’ll slow down on that “My eggs are drying up” line. Yes, pregnancy and parenting are beautiful. I enjoyed it both times regardless of the situation. But you are more than a baby-making machine for mama, Boaz, and Auntie Marie. Chase your dreams. Be happy in your lane, with your life. That my sister, will bring Boaz to you faster than wishing ever will.

I know. Wild story. But, it got so much better. Wait until you read my bio. Now, how are you to survive today being quirky, black, fabulous, and single? Read on. Have I got some  for you before you pursue a serious relationship.

Being Black, Female, and Single Today

This is not going to go how you think it is. Yes, I’m saying it! As black women, we are too loyal to men who are not for the most part, being disloyal, they are just choosing what they want. There. Let that sink in. Yes, I’m proposing that your singleness (after healing, dealing, dream-chasing, and really being ready to love) may have something to do with your idea of who it is that is going to love you. Hmm. I’ll wait.

I was once like this. I just knew my prince was going to literally be tall, dark, and handsome. Didn’t we all? So, are you exploring love or are you keeping your options closed? Cause check again with no hate, side eye, or attitude. Black men are enjoying themselves with every type of woman. Why can’t you?

I know it’s hard to be quirky, brilliant, an Alpha female, AND alone. It just ain’t right! But, could it be that it is within your power and of the utmost importance that you be open to A love that does not look like you? I haven’t dated interracially but I am open to it. I have a girlfriend over at TheSwirlWorld.com and much of her work deals with encouraging women of color to date non of color men, others, etc. And you know what? I think she’s right because when you do not, you limit yourself, your future babies, and your current happiness.

Now, do I love me a black man? Yaaasss honey! Yaassss! But will I cut off my future happiness to stay loyal to someone who is not loyal to me? No ma’am. And you shouldn’t either.

Okay, that’s one reason you’re single. Here’s the other: It just isn’t your time sugar plum. Live! Travel! Explore the world! Serve! And trust me, while you are busy doing that, your beloved will come. See, he’s NOT checking for unhappy, cranky, whispers softly (horny), egg-checking you. No. He’s running in the opposite direction. But, turn on your charm, put on your best everyday, smile and mean it and pretty soon, your dating options will look up.

I’m a Christian and so I gotta tell you that God really does know who and what you need. He also knows who isn’t good for you and sometimes we have to make room for love by letting some folks go. Yep. Old cutty buddy, good-looking and faithful will not marry you today or tomorrow so let him go. Then sis, love will come!

Okay, so I told you my story, my theories, and my truth. Now, you tell me yours!

From Bryanda: Make sure to check out Kaywanda's book, Do It Anyway! It is a must read!
Do It Anyway! by Kaywanda Lamb
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About Us

Quirky, Brown Love is a media outlet for quirky, brown millennials. EST 2014.

Email Bryanda Law, Editor-in-Chief
editor@quirkybrownlove.com