9 Times My Life With Matt Could Have Been on a TV Show

The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful and adventurous life; however, with all of the random and downright crazy events that have happened in my life, I really want to ask God what he is up to. Sometimes, it feels like I am being pranked, like there is no way that this stuff actually happens to people. Ever since I have been with Matt, my life has been filled with unbelievable moments, so unbelievable that I feel that we could have our own TV show. Don't believe me? Here are 9 times in the past three years that I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out with the Prank'd camera:

1. That time Matt and I accidentally stayed at a voodoo house on AirBnB
So, let me first start off by saying that I love AirBnB. It's a great way to save money while traveling and I have had nothing but good experiences...until this happened. The place looked so cool online and even in person. Also, the listing had nothing but positive reviews...so I don't understand why nobody bothered to mention that it was a voodoo house! This lady, who looked like a blonde barbie doll who could've gone to private school, had bones, human skulls and black baby dolls hanging all over her house and backyard. Like really...what the f%#&?!

2. That time Matt and I got caught up with some club gangsters
Matt use to be a college night promoter for a big club when we lived in Charlotte. One night he decided that he wanted to do a charity night for my nonprofit, so he booked a venue that we later found out was in a sketchy part of town...so sketchy actually that all of the money we raised got stolen and the bartenders got robbed. The owner got mad at Matt and told him that he couldn't leave until his bartenders got paid (even though the person who robbed him was not a college student). The men put a gun out on the table, so I ended up having to roll back up to the club with a car full of Matt's homies and writing a bad check so that they wouldn't shoot Matt. The next day we called and told the man not to cash the check. All in the name of charity.

3. That time Matt and I got chased by Jason...yes JASON!
Imagine this coming for you in the night.
When I was in college, I use to be an RA so I basically worked where I lived. To get away from it all, Matt and I would go up to the top floor of a parking deck and chill out. One night/early morning, a guy in a Jason mask appeared at the top of the steps, stared at us and then walked back down the steps. Matt and I were kind of freaked out, but we were on a college campus, so you never know what to expect. Soon after, Matt and I rode the elevator down and were joking about what we'd do if that guy with the Jason mask was on the first floor waiting for us. Well I'd be darn! Sure enough, the guy with the Jason mask was right at the elevator door waiting for us to get off! He soon after took off his mask so that we knew that it was a joke, but shorty-low almost got a 1-2 punch to the balls for that prank.

4. That time Matt and I got crossed by a sumo wrestler in North Carolina
Same deal as #3. Matt and I were chilling on the top floor of the parking deck and when we came down, a gargantuan man dressed as a sumo wrestler chucked us the deuces and walked right pass like it was nothing. Mind you, this was a weekday in like November, so Halloween was nowhere in sight. After that, Matt and I changed our hangout spot.

5. That time Matt and I threw a crazy superhero party
Matt and I know how to throw a party and this superhero party was no different. At some point in the night after everyone was feeling toasty, we walked down to the store in the snow for beer and munchies and definitely caused a scene. If you are wondering what superhero Matt was in the picture above, he referred to himself as "Ultra-Black".
6. That time a man died on a plane in the seat right in front of me
On Monday, on our flight back home from Colorado, the man in the seat in front of me stopped breathing. The guy right beside him happened to be a paramedic, so he threw him on floor right beside me and started doing CPR. Apparently, the man went into cardiac arrest, so there wasn't much that could be done; however at least 10 first responders and doctors were on board, so they hooked the man up to an IV and took turns to give the man his full 45 minutes of CPR. The plane had to make an emergency landing in the closest city and the man was taken away unresponsive by EMS. Matt hadn't flown on a plane in 15 years, so it was crazy that this happened on his flight. The plane landed with a dead man in the alley, 10 passenger first responders fulfilling their duty for 45 minutes of CPR and me sitting in Matt's lap so that the doctor could sit in my seat.

7. That time I somehow got forced to drive a hooker..I mean "escort" around town
Yeah, I'm choosing not to explain how I got caught up into this situation, but just know that I ended up driving a girl to her err...appointment and had to wait for her to err...finish. And apparently the guy was handicapped/handicapable.

8. That year that Matt and I had to go to court because someone wrote down my tag number
Matt and I were driving home from Charlotte after shooting a PSA for my nonprofit. On the way home, we had to drive through this backwoods small town (the kind of town that Black people try to steer clear of). A month later, I get a visit to my parents' door from a trooper saying that someone got my tag number and was accusing me of a hit and run. Even though my car was undamaged, I had to drive to this backwoods town SIX TIMES just to prove that we were not in an accident.

9. That time Matt and I almost got robbed by a man in a wheelchair
Oh Hotlanta, how I love you so, but your homeless people are a little too trill. This homeless man catdaddied his way to my car in his wheelchair asking for money and when we said no, he had the nerve to try to open my car door!

And I promise that I am not BSing you guys. I don't think that I could make these things up if I tried. Please help me feel normal again by telling me your crazy stories.

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Quirky, Brown Love is a media outlet for quirky, brown millennials. EST 2014.

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