Can we talk about how a black introvert is supposed to become successful? #confessionsofablackblogger— Ashleigh (@workashleigh) August 21, 2015
In the blogging world, being an introvert is thought to be the nail in the coffin of any blogger's career. It almost seems like an oxymoron: how can a person that is suppose to build a lasting presence online, not be the most comfortable with socializing? Welp people, this is how:
@TallGlassofStyL yes girl, twitter was a godsend! My mouth is quiet, but my typing fingers are loud as hell haha— Quirky Brown Love (@QuirkyBrownLove) August 21, 2015
I've never used my typing powers for evil or to slay anyone on the internet, but my typing fingers are too social for their own good. Unfortunately, that hasn't translated well to my mouth or my brain when I have to social for more that 45 mins with people. Throughout my life, I have had to force myself to be extroverted because I know that is a necessary trait to thrive in this type of world; however, being extroverted is definitely not a native trait.
Just how introverted was I? I use to rehearse phone calls when I would have to schedule my doctor's appointments or call the pizza man. At restaurants, I would replay in my head exactly what I wanted to say to the waitress and would hope that she wouldn't ask me to speak up, which would shatter my confidence. I use to write my friends letters as a way to argue with them because I knew that my feelings would never translate if we had a spoken argument. I could go on and on about how introverted I was (and still am), but the point that I am trying to make is that I have definitely come a long way. I'm at a point now where I have dedicated relationships with my Twitter friends and can collaborate with other bloggers. But have I come far enough?
As much as I try to not let fear run my life, sometimes I slip into moments of self doubt. After I published my post on 200+ AMAZING Black Bloggers, my pageviews increase dramatically and my inbox exploded. I am so happy that the post went viral for the sake of the bloggers featured on the list; however this sudden pop of fandom definitely made me ask myself if this introverted blogger was ready for all of the attention.
Here is why I may not be ready for my blog to make it big yet:
1. An overcrowded email overwhelms me.
via GIPHYRight now, I have at least 50 new emails that need my timely response, and until I can catch a breath, they are going to have to just sit there. At first when I would see emails in my inbox (ya know, the 1 or 2 random collaboration emails), I would get so excited because people were starting to notice me. Now that I am a week behind from the week that I took to focus on nothing but my MCAT and the thought of answering all of these emails is giving me anxiety.
2. I hate disappointing people
This true not only in my blogging world, but also in everyday life. Although most people were so friendly and excited about my list of black bloggers, I also got a lot of people who were mad at me because I didn't include them on it. I posted in a few of my groups about the post asking them to share the word, and the first thing out of some people's typing mouths were "why didn't you include this category?", "I should have been on this list because I'm an amazing blogger", "next time you make a list like this, you need to add this...""you missed a lot of bloggers, you need to do better". It was absolutely infuriating and after a while I started to doubt myself. I started to think that maybe they were right and that I wasn't the most qualified blogger to write the post. I almost took the post down (but thankfully I didn't!).
3. Sometimes, I try to please people instead of staying real to myself.
Like, who admits stuff like this on a social platform? This is me being real with you as well as myself. There was a point in time where I struggled with writing about topics that I wanted to write and writing about topics that I thought my readers at the time wanted me to write about. Throw in working with brands that didn't align with my mission, and I felt like my integrity was compromised. Sometimes I still get caught up in engaging my audience, but I have definitely taken a step back to make sure that everything that I post on my blog is true to my spirit.
4. I suck with networking in real life
via GIPHYI love collaborating with other bloggers and whenever I am not overwhelmed, I am great with talking through email or tweeting them on twitter. The second that someone wants to call me on the phone to talk or meet in person to talk business, I retreat back to my crabby, Cancer shell.
So everyone, these are my confessions...and now I feel like Usher. I may not be ready to make it big with my blog yet in my mind; however, I am not going to stand in my own way either.