Your body goes numb randomly. You find your heart hurting with anxiety and your tears seem to be trapped in your veins.
A pulsating fog has covered your brain and your worry for the future has consumed your thoughts to the point that you can't even form sentences to describe how you are feeling.
Please stop asking me what is wrong. I don't know.
What are you doing with your life? Are you still on the right path? Were you ever on the right path or did naivety cloud your head with dreams that you could never truly obtain? This crazy passion that you have concocted has you teetering on the verge of sanity and insanity, success and failure. At any moment you could win it all or realize that you have been wasting your time. And time definitely does not want to play on your team, though it is such a vital part to your playbook. Every day spent is a reminder that you are still not where you want to be, at the top of that mountain.
Depending on the day and depending on your view, the top of that mountain could appear to be only a few step ahead or as a smoky outline in the distance that could never be reached.
What's worse is when your voyage to the top of the mountain starts effecting the people around you. When you run out of rope and supplies, you humbly have to depend on someone else's resources. The longer you are on this journey, the more people start to question how long it's going to take you to finally reach your goal. Everyone else is waiting for you to make it to the top of your mountain, while they are watching from a distance and not experiencing the harsh terrain that you are facing. It's easy to calculate before and assume how long it should take you to climb your mountain based on what others have done.
Based on others' results, you are possibly way passed your timeline. But did you take into account the resources that other's may have had? What about the intensity of the storms that you alone have had to face? When we get stuck on comparing ourselves to others, or even our own unrealistic timelines, we forget to factor in the learning that we have received throughout the journey.
Climbing a mountain is a tough feat, but it takes an even tougher individual to be up for the challenge to try to climb the mountain in the first place.