Going the Distance: A Letter On Long Distance Relationships

Going the Distance: A Letter On Long Distance Relationships

[A Letter from Alexandria of MasonAlexandria.wordpress.com]

Twenties. The years that the most change happens. 

The years of complete bliss, responsibility, living, adulthood, freedom, commitment, yes oxymorons in a nutshell.

For my twentieth birthday I promised myself to be better. I've lived up to this by getting closer to God, loving myself, loving others, and trying to stay grounded and focused. I wasn't sure the guy I was interested in at the time would make the cut...

He did. We now are in a long distance relationship and I love him more each day.

As an almost 21 year old, it's a bit early to say this may be it, but he is the reason I can say I am in my first adult relationship. I fell in love with his friendship, his support, his gentleness, his humor, the list goes on. So when it was time for me to leave for Buenos Aires, I was most terrified to be apart for 5 months just as we were swinging into things.

Since I've been here we've gotten so much closer and it seems a little too easy that in two months I'll be able to touch his face again. Being abroad certainly was a test, but it's such challenges that you have no choice but to rise to to meet the occasion. While I can't go into extensive detail, here are a few ways we're thriving.

Ask personal questions.
It's very easy to run out of conversation. You're living different lives and talking every day may get boring. An easy cure to this is to spark conversations that never been had. For example, I frequently read columns that describe certain conversations couples should have. Goals, fears, likes, dislikes, past hurts, past loves. Basically how you got to be who you are. The intimacy of conversation is the strongest trait. Something as simple as "When do you feel loved?" Gets the mind thinking and helps the partner know the small things that matter.

Don't go to bed angry.
Some days are hard. Smaller things can become huge simply because you can't fix them face to face. It is too easy to say whatever and ignore the person because they're not next to you. Choose to answer the phone, facetime, text. Going to bed angry is the easy route and you'll only wake up spiteful. Love enough to stay up and talk it out. Don't get me wrong, there are going to be a lot of hanging ups and ignoring in the midst, but you'll grow from talking it out immediately. I promise.

Be friends.
My boyfriend and I started as friends. So the friendship always remained even if the romantic part got confused time to time. I told him my goal was to be his best friend, because he certainly is mine. The first person I call in any mood, and he has been my rock since I've been here. Friendship has no limits and vulnerability is welcome. I think long distance becomes hard when it stops being fun.  Does your partner make the list of people you know will be there when you back home? I have yet to question my relationship simply because I have my homie, lover, friend wrapped into one.

Check in.
Now in talking everyday, the conversations won't be mind blowing or long winded each time. So while we have casual conversations, I make a habit of really talking at least once a week. Going deeper than the surface because when couples neglect to check in is when feelings change and you never seeit coming. I check in just to see how he feels, remind him that he is loved, and just be a venting source.

Your love is not common, or ordinary. Each relationship has its kinks (no pun intended). Long distance teaches you if the relationship is worth having. If it is, continue to make it better. Grow as people, grow together. Be motivation, be positivity, be comfort, send a prayer or two in their direction. Be a lover.

Make sure to check out Alexandria's blog and to follow her on Twitter!

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